You Never Had Control. All You Had Was Anxiety.

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Introduction: The Illusion of Control

There aren’t many email newsletters that I read all the way through, but Oliver Burkeman’s The Imperfectionist is one of them. Somehow, whatever he says resonates with me. Perhaps it’s because he’s a writer, and I’m a writer. But more than that, it’s his ability to describe the ongoing struggles, challenges, and successes with planning—the futility of our search for certainty—that really strikes a chord.

As any of my clients will tell you, I am a planner. I schedule my diary from January to December, often setting appointments as early as October or November the previous year. This level of organisation allows me to provide the quality and reliability of service that I want to offer. Most of my clients appreciate this structure; they value the security of knowing their horse’s physiotherapy appointments are scheduled, ensuring regular check-ins to catch problems early. This system allows us to listen to the whispers before they become shouts, working as a team rather than feeling alone in the responsibility of their horse’s well-being.

But this planning isn’t control. It only gives me a sense of security, allowing me to relax into my work more easily. And that’s where the quote by Elizabeth Gilbert—“You never had control. All you had was anxiety”—rings so true. The more we strive for control, the more we feed our anxiety. But if control is an illusion, what should we aim for instead?

Embracing Uncertainty with Curiosity

In a recent post, Oliver Burkeman mentioned a book by Anne-Laure Le Cunff called Tiny Experiments. I haven’t read it yet, but it’s on my list (as is almost anything Oliver recommends). The idea of tiny experiments resonates with me. I spent a day in January putting together a Life Plan based on the book Living Forward, and one of the key themes I identified for myself was the importance of living with curiosity.

But how can I live with curiosity if I cling to control and certainty? Certainty and curiosity seem to cancel each other out. Like so many of us, I struggle with uncertainty. My natural inclination is to have everything perfect before releasing it into the world. But my friend Leonie has been telling me for years: Just give things a go and see if they work.

The truth is, most of what I create will only be seen by a relatively small number of people. And those who do engage with my work—whether it’s writing, teaching, or physiotherapy—are likely to be supporters. They aren’t analysing my punctuation or scrutinising every turn of phrase. They appreciate what I share for what it is: an honest expression of my experience and knowledge. And if they do judge? Well, either that’s a moment of learning for me, or their opinion isn’t one I need to hold onto. None of us can please everyone, and it’s futile to try.

You can support my work by buying me a coffee, joining the Healthy Humans, Happy Horses online community, or signing up to my newsletter. Remember to follow, like, and share on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.

The Freedom in Letting Go

I think that’s another reason why I enjoy reading Oliver Burkeman’s work. His words resonate strongly with me, but I also recognise that they won’t resonate with everyone. And that’s okay. That’s actually good. Imagine if we all thought the same way! The world would be a very strange place indeed, and innovation would be stifled.

So it’s okay for me to be me, and it’s okay for you to be you. We don’t need the whole world to love us or our work. We can be curious, experiment, and take risks. The people who matter—our real supporters—will encourage us, support us, or at the very least, respect our willingness to try.

This mindset shift is especially relevant in the equestrian world. Horses teach us daily that we are not in control. We can set up the best training plan, book regular check-ups, feed the highest-quality diet, and provide the most comfortable environment—and still, our horse may develop an issue or behave unpredictably. If we cling to the illusion of control, we will only feel frustrated and anxious when things don’t go to plan. But if we embrace flexibility and curiosity, we allow space for learning and growth.

Living the Journey, Not the Destination

It helps to have a clear understanding of our values. That way, we can check in with ourselves and ensure that our choices align with who we want to be and the life we want to live. But even as we do this, we must remain open to change. Growth is a process, and who we are today may not be who we are in five or ten years. And that’s okay too.

Too often, I find myself working towards an end goal, forgetting that it’s the journey that matters. We become so fixated on achieving a specific outcome that we miss the lessons and joys along the way. Horses remind us of this truth daily. They don’t dwell on past mistakes or worry about future plans—they exist in the present moment. If we allow ourselves to do the same, we can experience life with greater peace and appreciation.

As equestrians, we owe it to ourselves and our horses to cultivate self-awareness, resilience, and compassion. Rather than trying to control everything, we can develop a mindset of adaptability. Instead of fearing failure, we can see mistakes as opportunities for growth. Instead of striving for perfection, we can embrace the beauty of imperfection.

And when we let go of control, we make space for something far greater: trust. Trust in ourselves, trust in our horses, and trust in the journey ahead.

Join the Healthy Humans, Happy Horses Community

If these ideas resonate with you—if you are striving for balance, well-being, and a more harmonious relationship with your horse—I invite you to join our Healthy Humans, Happy Horses community. This is a space for equestrians who are committed to personal growth, compassionate horsemanship, and living a fulfilling life alongside their horses.

Together, we explore ways to care for ourselves and our horses, embracing kindness, curiosity, and humility along the way. Because when we nurture our own well-being, we become better partners for our horses. And in doing so, we create a life filled with connection, learning, and joy.

Join us today and start your journey towards a healthier, happier life for both you and your horse. 🌿

🌟 About Sue Palmer, The Horse Physio

Sue Palmer MCSP, The Horse Physio, is an award-winning author, educator, and Chartered Physiotherapist. Sue specialises in both human health and equine well-being, with a focus on:

🐴 Easing pain
🧘 Improving flexibility
💪 Building strength

Her goal is to enhance performance and ensure a healthier, more comfortable life for both horses and their guardians. Sue is registered with:
✔️ RAMP
✔️ ACPAT
✔️ IHA
✔️ CSP
✔️ HCPC

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