I know I do bleat on about The Husband, and if I was listening to someone else I’d probably roll my eyes and mime fingers-down-throat-and-vomit at such nauseating gushing. I know that no-one else would invest the ongoing time, effort, care, and meticulous planning that this man invests in my health, well-being, quality of life, and pleasure. That I’m still alive and in relatively good shape is a testament to his patience and tenacity; because I’m not an easy person to live with. I’m selfish, demanding, and impulsive, and I certainly wouldn’t stick around to help me …
However! In my defence …
Over the years I’ve had many opportunities to engage in supervision – which is basically counselling for those in the caring professions – and have taken time to reflect on the affects of many of my relationships. Some of it has made for uncomfortable emotional self-scrutiny indeed. Not least because, not only do you reflect on the impact of others on you, but you are led to reflect on the impact of your words and actions on others.
As a teenager and young adult, I was a naïve and thoughtlessly arrogant know-it-all. I was going to set the world to rights! I was a trailblazer! Ha! How I smile wryly when I see that trait in the young people of today.
Through everyday life struggles – getting a job; paying bills; maintaining relationships that were of less importance to others, then nursing the hurt of abandonment when realisation set in … All of those mundane and ongoing occupations become “time stealers” – insidiously creeping between “us” and “our soul”; separating us from childish wonder, generosity of spirit, the burning desire to tackle bigger issues: world peace; eradicating poverty, sickness and cruelty …
Joe’s unconditional generosity of spirit, word and deed encourages me to reflect on the impact that my decisions and impetuosity has on him as a partner and as a person, and on my wider social circle. I’m genuinely grateful for his unintentional help in my quest to become a less judgemental, embittered individual, and to accept with some degree of serenity, life’s inescapable consequence.
Hats off to all those full time carers in Joe’s position; they are truly society’s unsung and underestimated heroes.
